The National Education Association of the United States of America (USA) establishes that bullying is systematically and chronically inflicting physical hurt and/or social psychological distress on another. It can be physical, verbal or social.
It is a frightening experience many face on a daily basis. It can be as direct as teasing, hitting, threatening, and destruction of property or forcing someone to do something against their will, or as indirect as rumors, exclusion or manipulation. Bullying involves a real or perceived power imbalance between the one who bullies and their target.
How do you spot a bully?
- Bullies pick on their target day after day. (Repetition)
- Bullies win because their target is smaller, younger or less socially able to cope. (Power imbalance)
- Bullies enjoy seeing their target afraid and upset. (Intent to harm)
Bullying is fast becoming an international issue. Data and statistics can be difficult to come by as victims of bullying often choose not to report it and speak about its occurrence out in the open.
Usually children targeted by hurtful comments or actions are different from their peers in some way. Bullying can occur during or after school hours. While most reported bullying happens in the school building, a significant percentage also happens in places like the playground or the bus. It can also happen travelling to or from school, in the youth’s neighborhood, or on the Internet.
Bullying can occur depending on the environment, some groups—such as those in lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) community, people with disabilities and weight issues, and those socially isolated, may be at an increased risk of being bullied.
How to Identify Bullying – in children, youths and adults
There are many warning signs that may indicate that someone is affected by bullying—either being bullied or bullying others. Recognizing the warning signs is an important first step in taking action against bullying. Not all children who are bullied or are bullying others ask for help. It is important to talk with children who show signs of being bullied or bullying others. These warning signs can also point to other issues or problems, such as depression or substance abuse. Talking to the child can help identify the root of the problem.
Some signs that may point to a child being bullied are:
- Unexplainable injuries
- Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
- Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
- Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
- Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
- Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
- Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
- Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide.
Children may be bullying others if they:
- Get into physical or verbal fights
- Have friends who bully others
- Are increasingly aggressive
- Get sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
- Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
- Blame others for their problems
- Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
- Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity
Bullying will lead to a number of negative consequences academically and emotionally. In addition to poor attendance and decreased academic performance, bullying causes feelings of helplessness, anger and frustration. The consequences experienced are not limited just to the person who is bullied. Bullying causes mental, physical and emotional damage to all involved, including bystanders. Research has shown the effects last well into adulthood. When you think of these consequences remember this one fact: Bullying is preventable and, thereby, the consequences are too.
Adult bullying is not as prominently reported on as the others, however, it is a problem and is considered a factor that can ultimately lead to suicide.
One would think that as people mature, that they would stop behaviors that may have started in their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and “show them who is boss.”
There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:
Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.
Impulsive Adult Bully: Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.
Physical Bully: While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.
Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.
Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.
There is little you can do about an adult bully, other than ignore and try to avoid them. This is because adult bullies are often in a set pattern. They are not interested in working things out and they are not interested in compromise. Rather, adult bullies are more interested in power and domination. They want to feel as though they are important and preferred, and they accomplish this by bringing others down. There is very little you can do to change an adult bully, beyond the confines of laws. If you can document the bullying, there are legal and civil remedies for harassment, abuse and other forms of bullying.
Adult bullies were often either bullies as children, or bullied as children. Understanding this about them may be able to help you cope with the behavior.
The link between Bullying & Suicide
Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion and despair. It can also lead to depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal thoughts and behavior.
In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides in the US and across the globe have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though too many adults still see bullying as “just part of being a kid,” it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victims, including suicide. Many people may not realize that there is also a link between being a bully and committing suicide.
The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:
Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University; A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying;
10 to 14 year old girls may be at an even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above.
Suicides of youth reported to have been bullied underscores the need for a concerted effort to address all the harmful effects of bullying. The relationship between bullying and suicide is more complex and less direct than we may think. Most persons don’t think about their experiences with bullies when they were children. However, there could be emotional effects that are hidden. Depression and anxiety tied to bullying at school persisted at least through people’s mid-twenties. Worse off were the people who had both been bullies and victims of bullying. Researchers have also discovered a strong link between bullying and depression. It is still not clear why depression occurs and it may have various causes. However, depression is closely related with bullying. In fact, both bullies as well as their victims are more than likely to be depressed. The effects of bullying can be long lasting. In addition, depression can bring about problems such as low self-esteem, high rate of being absent from school, anxiety and even physical illness.
According to depression and suicide[1], the relationship between bullying depression and suicide is not limited to face-to-face bullying. This is because nowadays, many teens suffer because of cyber bullying. The internet has made it much easier for people to communicate with each other but it has also opened a virtual Pandora’s Box. Many people connect with each other through social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram, Meet Up and Twitter for example. However, this has made people more susceptible to cyber bullying. The worst thing about cyber bullying is the fact that the person may not even know the bully. This is because some bullies will use a false account to harass others. This makes it easier for the bully to be relentless and more threatening because they are not known to the victim.
Signs of depression that family and friends should recognize are as follows:
You should be wary of long lasting irritability or sadness, including outbursts of anger or crying; a person who loses interest in any activity that they usually enjoy could be depressed; a person who withdraws from others can also be depressed; if the sleep pattern of a person changes, either oversleeping or insomnia, the person could be depressed. If a person’s appetite changes or their eating habits change, this could point to depression.
Other signs of a person suffering from depression are when a person is always feeling slow or tired. Someone who is restless, worried or anxious can also be depressed. A person who is depressed can also lack the ability to think clearly or concentrate. Depressed people will also feel worthless, helpless, guilty or hopeless. Other signs of depression include aches and pains that have no apparent physical cause. Depressed people also talk about suicide or death. If a person starts giving away their prized possessions and saying goodbye to people, this is a sign that he or she has suicidal thoughts and/or intentions.
1 Beth J. Harpaz, MSNBC, “Bullying a Red Flag for Depression’’
