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Sexual abuse refers to any action that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually that they don’t want to do or is uncomfortable with. It can also refer to behaviour that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including but not limited to: oral sex, rape, or restricting access to birth control and condoms.
Sexual abuse can happen to mentally capable adults by their spouses, partners, family members or trusted people in their lives. It can happen to mentally incapable adults, as well as children.
It is important to know and understand that just because the victim “didn’t say no,” it doesn’t mean that they meant “yes.” When someone does not resist an unwanted sexual advance, it doesn’t mean that they consented. Sometimes physically resisting can put a victim at a bigger risk for further physical or sexual abuse. Whether intoxicated or pressured, intimidated or obligated to act a certain way, it’s never the victim’s fault.
Some examples of sexual assault and abuse are:
Unwanted kissing or touching.
Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.
Rape or attempted rape.
- Refusing to use condoms or restricting someone’s access to birth control.
- Keeping someone from protecting themselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
- Sexual contact with someone who is very drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give a clear and informed “yes” or “no.”
- Threatening someone into unwanted sexual activity.
- Repeatedly pressuring someone to have sex or perform sexual acts.
- Repeatedly using sexual insults toward someone.
The Impact of Sexual Abuse on Adults
The impact of sexual abuse varies from person to person and can occur on several levels — physically, emotionally, and mentally. Victims of sexual abuse may suffer from anxiety attacks and have flashbacks to the assault or period of assault, they may have problems concentrating and staying focused on what they are doing, they may develop a negative self image, they may choose to withdraw from friends and family, they are more likely to experience loss of interest in dating and sexual activities; they may become depressed and suicide prone.
Adults that were sexually abused as children carry their experience and the emotional scars well into adulthood, and may suffer in the following ways.
- Grieving / Mourning
Many things from childhood experiences such as trust, innocence, relationships with family members. The survivor may feel a deep sadness, jealousy, anger or longing for something never had.
- Alcohol or drug abuse
The abuse of substances can act as an escape from the intense waves of feelings, the terror and helplessness.
- Disordered Eating / Eating Disorders
Compulsive control of food intake can be a way of taking back control over the body that was denied during the abuse.
- Self-injury & Suicide
There are many ways survivors have coped with the feelings that can cause emotional or physical injury on the self. Burning or cutting are some ways for a survivor to relieve intense anxiety, triggered by memories of the abuse. Suicide sadly, is an option that some persons choose after unsuccessfully trying to cope and live normal lives.
- Becoming an Abuser – there is a cycle of sexual abuse where the abused becomes an abuser. Studies also now indicate that about one-third of people who are abused in childhood will become abusers themselves.
Survivors experience diverse negative impacts of sexual assault and there is no list of typical “symptoms” they should exhibit. The impacts are profound, affecting the physical and mental health of victim/survivors, and their interpersonal relationships with family, friends, partners and colleagues. More than this, the impacts of sexual assault go beyond the individual, to have a collective impact on the social wellbeing of our communities.
Moving on from the Abuse
Recovery takes time. Patience and understanding are important in the recovery process. You can begin by acknowledging that something terrible has happened to you and that you will now be beginning to deal with the feelings of the abuse. If you are ready, you can choose to talk about the abuse with a close family member, trusted friend or professional social worker or counselor.
Recognize that you could not have prevented the assault and that the responsibility of this heinous act lies only with the attacker. Work towards developing your own self-value and raising your self-esteem.
This can be done by getting out and doing different things, go to educational, music, arts, crafting or different classes, you can explore the option of lending support to other persons who have also been victims of sexual abuse.
Realize that you have to regain control of your life; do this by refusing to let the person that abused you have control of your actions and what happens to you next. Rise above the abuse, it is your right.
How you can help someone that has experienced sexual assault
If someone you know is going through this experience, you can help. You may not think that you can do much, but the reality is, that even a listening ear may prevent someone from slipping further into depression, and ultimately, suicide.
We have to be our brother’s and sister’s keepers. All it takes is a little of your time to make a difference.
You can :
Listen to the person, but don’t ask for details of the assault.
Offer practical support, such as going with them to appointments.
Respect their decisions, for example whether or not they want to report the assault to the police.
Bear in mind they might not want to be touched. Even a hug might upset them, so ask first. If you’re in a sexual relationship with them, be aware that sex might be frightening and don’t put pressure on them to have sex.
Don’t tell them to forget about the assault. It will take them time to deal with their feelings and emotions. You can help by listening and being patient.
Call or check in with them from time to time. Let them know that you care.
Sexual abuse and children (Child sex abuse)
It can be very difficult to talk about sexual abuse and even more difficult to acknowledge that sexual abuse of children of all ages, including infants, happens every day. According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS), an estimated 9.3 percent of confirmed or substantiated child abuse and neglect cases in 2005 involved sexual abuse (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2007).
This figure translates into over 83,800 victims in 2005 alone (USDHHS, 2007). Other studies suggest that even more children suffer abuse and neglect than is ever reported to child protective service agencies. Statistics indicate that girls are more frequently the victims of sexual abuse, but the number of boys is also significant.
Exposure to childhood sexual abuse may increase the odds of later suicidal behavior, including suicide attempts, new research suggests. An analysis of nine studies from six different countries, with a total of almost 9000 participants done by a team of investigators from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, showed that those who experienced Child sexual assault before the age of 16 to 18 years were more than twice as likely to attempt or complete suicides.
The abuse can be physical, verbal and emotional and involve acts such as:
- Fondling;
- Making a child touch an adult’s sexual organs; and
- Penetrating a child’s vagina or anus, no matter how slight, with a penis or any object that doesn’t have a valid medical purpose.
- Engaging in indecent exposure or exhibitionism;
- Exposing children to pornographic material;
- Deliberately exposing a child to the act of sexual intercourse;
- Masturbating in front of a child.
- Engaging a child or soliciting a child for the purposes of prostitution; and
- Using a child to film, photograph or model pornography.
What to look for in Children who may be abused
Children who are sexually abused exhibit behavioral changes, based on their age. The most common are fear or excessive crying, unexplained constant vomiting, feeding problems, fear of particular people, places or activities, excessive masturbation, nightmares or sleep disturbances, withdrawal from close family and friends.
Symptoms of sexual abuse in older children and adolescents include:
- Depression
- Nightmares or sleep disturbances
- Poor school performance, discipline and delinquent behavior at school
- Promiscuity
- Substance abuse (drugs & alcohol)
- Aggression and unexplained and excessive anger issues
- Running away from home
- Eating disturbances
- Early pregnancy or marriage
- Suicidal gestures
- Pseudo-mature behaviors or what we in Guyana call “force ripe”
What you can do to help
Teach your children or other children what appropriate sexual behaviour is, and when to say “no” if someone tries to touch sexual parts of their bodies or touch them in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Also, observe your children when they interact with others to see if they are hesitant or particularly uncomfortable around certain adults. It is very important to provide adequate supervision for your children and only leave them in the care of individuals whom you deem safe.
Children need to know that they can speak openly to a trusted adult and that they will be believed. Children who are victims of sexual abuse should always be reassured that they are not responsible for what has happened to them. Offer encouragement for victims by supporting organizations that help victims of incest or by simply reassuring victims of sexual abuse that they should not feel shame or guilt.
It is important to understand that troubled families can be helped and that everyone can play a part in the process.
Help make others aware of sexual abuse and how to avoid it.
If you suspect sexual abuse and believe a child to be in imminent danger, report it to the Ministry of Human Services, Child Protective Services (225-6202). Remember that you may be the only person in a position to help a child who is being sexually abused.
The effects of sexual abuse extend far beyond childhood. Sexual abuse robs children of their childhood and creates a loss of trust, feelings of guilt and self-abusive behavior. It can lead to antisocial behavior, depression, identity confusion, loss of self esteem and other serious emotional problems.
It can also lead to difficulty with intimate relationships later in life and many times, the victim also becomes an abuser. The sexual victimization of children is ethically and morally wrong and many victims of child sex abuse resort to suicide after failing to cope with the many ill effects, even after they would have grown into adulthood.
What to do if you have been abused
If you have been sexually assaulted, first get to a safe place away from the attacker. You may be scared, angry and confused, but remember the abuse was in no way your fault. You have options. You can:
- Contact Someone You Trust. Many people feel fear, guilt, anger, shame and/or shock after they have been sexually assaulted. Having someone there to support you as you deal with these emotions can make a big difference. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor. (Help & Shelter – Homestretch Avenue, Durban Park 225-4731/227-8353/2273454)
- Report What Happened to the Police. If you do decide to report what happened, you will have a stronger case if you do not alter or destroy any evidence. This means don’t shower, wash your hair or body, comb your hair or change your clothes, even if that is hard to do. If you are nervous about going to the police station, it may help to bring a friend with you.
- Go to an Emergency Room or Health Clinic. It is very important for you to seek health care as soon as you can after being assaulted. You will be issued a rape kit, treated for any injuries and offered medications to help prevent pregnancy and STIs.
